Can regret help you decide better instead of just hurting?

Jill Suttie summarises psychologist Robert Leahy's book If Only… Finding Freedom from Regret, which treats regret as a useful but painful emotion that can teach lessons. Leahy describes regret as an "opportunity emotion": the more options we see, the more chances we have to feel we chose wrong, and perfectionist "maximizers" tend to feel more of it than "good enough" satisficers. Black-and-white thinking, catastrophizing and an inability to tolerate uncertainty can make regret heavier. Drawing on cognitive-behavioural therapy, he suggests remembering that we can't know how the other path would have gone, accepting trade-offs, taking the lesson and then letting go.

Takeaways

Suggested applications, adapted from the article:

1. Name the lesson, then stop. Write one sentence on what the regret teaches you, and let that be the end of the review.
2. Question the 'if only'. Notice that the better version of the other path is imagined, not something you can know.
3. Aim for good enough. On your next choice, set a clear 'good enough' bar instead of hunting for the best option.